I just finished doing over an hour of ironing.  Of Stephen’s clothes, of course, not mine.  I swear, I don’t think this guy has ironed his shirts since the eighties.  We were cleaning his apartment because his family comes in just two days.  We got to the point where it was mostly just papers and stuff that he needed to sort through and put in the proper places (and of course, trying to help, I kept putting things in all the wrong places.)  So I volunteered to do the ironing, because he had said he had some shirts to do.  I was expecting a few shirts, you know… maybe 5 or even 10 at the most.  No… this guy pulls out a laundry basket the size of New York – filled to the brim and overflowing with wrinkly boy shirts.  As I slowly started to make my way through what looked like basically every shirt he has ever owned, I saw a bunch that I had never seen before.  Considering the fact that I have been with this guy every day for the past three months and I hadn’t seen a majority of the clothes in that hamper… I quickly realized that this ironing pile must have been around a while.

So anyhow, I’m ironing.  And, since he is a guy and his apartment basically contains a couch, a tv, a bed, and protein powder… he had approximately 7 hangers to hang the shirts on as I ironed them.  Seven hangers, for approximately 10783209481329402572843943 shirts.  So after I had used them all, I started to fold the shirts after I ironed them.  After a while, he comes over and tells me that I fold differently than he does.  So I asked him how he would like me to fold his shirts.  I was doing the typical, fold in half, then fold in the sleeves, then fold in half again process.  It had always worked for me…  but no.  This is an art, people.  I wasn’t mad at this point, more amused.  And I don’t really care if he wants his shirts folded a certain way.  That’s why I asked him to show me how.  So he shows me.  Then I iron the next one, and I start to fold it his way.  He stands there watching me, correcting me.  My level of pissiness is slowly rising, probably at a 2 or a 3.  It takes me longer to fold that shirt than probably the time it took me to fold all the ones before it combined.  But I finish it.  And then, he comes behind me and starts fixing it.  The corners didn’t match exactly, and there was a little overlap on the side.  Reaching pissiness level 7 at this point.  I joked, “No wonder it takes you so long to get anything done!  It takes an hour to fold each shirt properly to your specifications!”  And he goes, “Well, I iron a lot faster than you do.”

Ok, pissiness level 10+.  I explained to him that I was extremely sorry for wasting his time since he was such an efficient ironer.  And I promptly finished a couple more shirts (and folded them properly, of course.  Yes sir, right away sir.)  And then shut myself in the bedroom with earplugs in to study.  Isn’t he a sweetheart?

Phew.  Glad I got that off my chest.  Anyhow, back to the beginning of the day.  I had nonstop meetings today, from 7am straight through to 3pm.  It’s a wonder that I get any work done at all… I spend my entire life in meetings.  Breakfast was green tea, an omelette with eggbeaters and laughing cow cheese, and my coffee:

Lunch was my salad, with turkey:

Afternoon snacks were Kashi cereal, an apple and a creamsicle:

Then I hit the gym.  Still ramping it up on the stepmill, today I did Level 13 for 22 minutes, fat burning program.  Then I did 20 minutes on the recumbant bike, random program, Level 13.  Feelin good!!!

For dinner, I made Stephen hamburgers again to use up the ground beef and I had veggies with hummus and my mushroom, garlic and artichoke pizza from Trader Joe’s.  Man, that thing is amazing!!!

I went to Stephens, where I spent the evening helping to clean his house and iron his clothes… until the Iron maiden episode.  Then I did some studying for my PMI exam and ate a special K snack bar, some Kashi Honey Sunshine cereal, and an Atkins Smores bar:

So now I’m going to go sulk for a little longer and then probably go to bed.  Probably too late.  Tomorrow’s hump day already!

I can’t believe the weekend is over.  Although I think that I start every single one of my Sunday posts like that.  But I mean it every single time.  This weekend was a good one, with its ups and downs.  Friday night, Stephen and I had dinner at home and then went to Dave and Buster’s.  Dinner for me was an oyster salad:

It was a pretty good way to let off steam and let loose after a long (but I must admit, AWESOME) work week and finally celebrate Boris and Natascha leaving.  Although there is still lots of lingering feelings from that trip, but more on that later.  So we did Dave and Buster’s.  I drank two draft beers, kinda large, so was pretty happy and had a good time.  On the way home, we did our ritual Yum Yum donuts stop at midnight.  Woo hoo!  I love Yum Yum.  I love donuts.  Like Homer Simpson… mmmmm……. donuts……. and they always seem to taste better in the middle of the night, of course.

Saturday morning we woke up and went to Barnes and Nobles.  We started planning stuff for when his family comes (which, by the way, is in just five days!)  After Barnes and Nobles I went to the gym.  Did 35 minutes of intensity intervals on the elliptical machine.  I went home, took a shower, and cooked dinner for us.  Then my friend Christi came over and we went to San Francisco to see Wicked the musical!!  It was fantastic, although I must admit that it was a tad long for my taste.  It was nice to get dressed up and go to a show, though.  I haven’t done that for a really long time.  When we got home, it was after midnight and Stephen and I called his family with the video phone.  I love doing that – being able to see them in Switzerland while we talk to them.  I always hold up JB and make him wave… Stephen’s sister likes him   I ate a bag of BBQ soy chips while we talked to them, and a chex mix granola bar:

We finally got into bed around 1:30 and did some major sleeping in on Sunday.  We woke up around 11 on Sunday and hit Barnes and Nobles around noon.  A few weeks ago, I came up with the idea of creating a little gift basket for Stephen’s sister for when she arrived in the US.  I thought we could put some cute stuff in – some games, candy, a stuffed animal, etc.  Just to welcome her and make her happy.  So we did the shopping to put that together today.  We got all kinds of cute stuff – a couple of books from Barnes and Nobles, including a cute one about lacing shoelaces in cool ways called “100 ways to pimp your kicks” and one of those Happy Bunny books called “Life.  Get One.“  I picked it out – I thought a 16 year old would enjoy that one.  We also got a pool game to play with paddles and a ball, a Spencer’s gift card, a Sponge Bob stuffed animal (my idea as well!!) and a bunch of candy and little goodies.  And I’m going to bake some cookies and stick them in there as well.  Here’s a pic of the final basket – it turned out cute!  JB is really interested in it too, as you can see

I really hope that she likes it.  I’m a little nervous about his family coming, because they are excited to meet me and I really want to hit it off with them.  I’m usually pretty good with families and parents, but this is a little different – they are from a different country so have a little bit of different ways and expectations.  So I guess we will see.

In the middle of the day, Stephen and I kind of had it out.  Even though Boris and Natascha are gone, there is still a lot of underlying resentment and distrust (mostly on my behalf) lingering from this entire experience.  I was hoping that as soon as they left, I could just forget about it and move on with my life.  But I was pretty sure that wasn’t going to happen – and it didn’t.  So basically, because of that I am still hurt and angry and have just been picking at little things that Stephen does, which in turn is causing us to bicker and fight.  We started to talk about it, and the bottom line is that I just don’t know what to do.  I can’t just make these feelings go away, but at the same time I can’t think of or pinpoint any specific things that Stephen can do to make me feel better.  So it’s a lose/lose situation.  The only thing I know for sure is that if I don’t somehow stop picking, I’m going to pick us apart.  And it would be a real shame to deal with all the crap that we dealt with, only to crumble and break up when it is all over.  So I am going to do my best to move on.  I am going to do my best never to think about this or mention it again.  Hopefully as time goes by it will be easier.

Lunch was a shrimp salad:

After Barnes and Nobles we went for our weekly grocery shopping trip and then to the mall and Target (getting all the items for the gift basket.)  Then it was home for the big event of the day – my 9 mile run.  A month ago, I drew up my training schedule for the Lausanne marathon which I hope to do in October.  However, I haven’t exactly been following it.  First of all because I’ve been really busy, second of all because I’ve been really lazy.  About running, anyways.  I’ve been good about my working out in general, making sure to hit the gym every day and to keep pushing forward, but I have definitely been slacking on running.  Also, being with Stephen makes it harder for me to do my long runs.  I always did them Saturday or Sunday mornings, before it got too hot for the day and getting it out of the way while I still have energy and before it can get pushed out due to the other things I have to get done that day.  However, with Stephen we usually sleep in on weekends (gulp) and then hit Barnes and Nobles when we wake up.  And, as horrible and lazy as this sounds, I love that.  Our weekend Barnes and Nobles ritual is one of my favorite things that I do all week, and I don’t want to give it up.  So I have to figure out, as the runs get longer, how I am going to fit them into my day.  It’s way too hot and sunny to do them mid-day, so I am either going to have to wake up early and do them alone or I am going to have to do them in the evenings.  That’s what I did tonight.  I was getting pretty grumpy at Target because we were running late and I didn’t think I was going to have time to get my 9 miles in before it got dark.  We ended up leaving my house around 7:20.  Stephen hasn’t done more than 5 miles, so for the first 3 miles I ran and he rode my bike alongside me.  Then we stopped back at my house, dropped off the bike and he ran the last 6 miles with me.  It took just about an hour and a half, so I’m definitely not hitting the pace that I would like to hit, but at this point I’m not complaining.  My goal right now is just to increase the distance and to run and concentrate on that.  I will increase the speed in round 2.

Here’s the run:

It was a good one.  I was surprised how good I felt at the end – I expected to be exhausted since my longest run before had been 7 miles, and also because it was so late at night.  But no, I’m a machine   I really want to do this marathon in October – it would be incredible to have that comeback after my surgery.  And to celebrate it in Switzerland, no less!!

After our run, we had to go pick some stuff up and then I made dinner.  We didn’t end up eating dinner until 10 o clock!  And I was starving from the run, so I ate a TON.  Not the best thing to do right before bed, but oh well.

I had my obligatory turkey salad, along with carrots and hummus, a boca burger with cheese, an apple, some meringue cookies, a vitatop, a Betty Crocker mini delights dessert, and 6 fudgesicles.  Ooops.

Ok, signing off now to go to bed with my nine-mile smile on my face.  More tomorrow, good night!

I had a great day today!  It started out like any other day.  We woke up particularly early, 5:45, so that Stephen could catch the 6:30 train and get to work early so he could leave early at the end of the day.  We were planning to go to the gym after work.  I drove Stephen to the train station (and he actually made the train!) and then started work right away.  I love starting really early like that – I am most productive in the morning, and it also gives me some extra time to get stuff done before people realize I’m online and working and start pinging me with questions and requests.

I had a cup of green tea this morning (go me… go me…).  I hate drinking tea.  I don’t know why… I know most people love it but I just never liked tea.  But I try to make myself drink it, especially on mornings that I wake up really early like this morning.  So I had my cup and then had my coffee and breakfast of an egg white omelette with laughing cow cheese and some cherries:

Around mid-morning, my manager pinged me and asked if she could call me.  It happened so quickly I didn’t have much time to be nervous, although looking back usually that kind of ping requesting instant phone communication isn’t exactly the most comforting thing in the world.  The first thing that flashes into your head is “I’m going to get laid of.  Right now.” and panic starts to ensue.  However, since it happened so fast and my morning had been so busy, I didn’t even have time to think about that.  So anyways, my manager called me and when I answered the phone, she said “Congratulations, you have received a promotion.”  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was so shocked, I let out this loud, squeaky “Really?!?!” and she just started to laugh.  It was kind of funny, in an embarassing sort of way.  But she went on to tell me that there were only two promotions given in our directorate of approximately 200 people this year (due to the bad economic times, I guess) and I was one of them.  It was such an incredible feeling, I am so happy.

It’s hard for me to describe how thankful and blessed I feel right now.  2008 was a really tough year for me – mentally and physically.  I was really ready for it to be over.  However, 2009 has been fantastic.  I am so grateful for everything that has occured so far this year and every day it is hard for me to believe all the wonderful things I have in my life.  It’s really easy to get caught up in really little bad things that happen – like eating too much for dinner or not getting enough sleep and being really tired the next day.  But the truth is, I am so incredibly lucky and thankful for every day that I have my health and my happiness.  After last year, I try so hard to never take it for granted.  Thank you, God, for all that you give to me every single day.  Thank you for this promotion and this opportunity.

After that, I was basically giddy for the rest of the day. For lunch, I had my salad – threw some black beans in there today.  Yum!

and then I had an afternoon snack of cereal and a creamsicle:

Then I hit the gym.  I have decided that it’s time for me to move up a level again on the stepmill – I have been on level 12 for a while now and am able to do 50 minutes so now it’s time for me to start on level 13.  So today I did 20 minutes of stepmill (fat burning program level 13) and then 20 minutes on the elliptical (hill program, level 11 resistance).  Level 13 is tough, this is a nice new challenge

I came home, took a shower, and then had a snack of cherries, a plum, and two fudgsicles.

Then I did some more work and headed to Stephen’s house.  We went out to dinner to celebrate my promotion – we went to Sonoma Chicken Coop in downtown Campbell (I love that place!)  I had the prawn and avocado salad, my usual.  Delicious!

Afterwards we headed back to Stephen’s place, where I have done more work until now.  Finished up with a chex mix bar and a Kashi granola bar:

Long day, and I’m exhausted.  But an absolutely great one.

Today was just a great, relaxing Sunday.  The only way a Sunday could have gotten better would be if it was during football season and the Steelers played (and won, of course.)  But I’ll take what I can get.

We woke up early this morning to watch the Wimbledon finals – Stephen really likes Roger Federer (he is Swiss, of course.)  I’m not the biggest tennis fan, but I am a pretty big sports and competition fan in general so I will pretty muc h watch any match or game.  This was a good one, too – against Andy Roddick and it was really long and a good match.  I made us coffee and we just relaxed – And Stephen was in a good mood afterward because Roger won

After that, we got ready to go and did our weekend ritual – every weekend (either Saturday or Sunday or both) we go to Barnes and Nobles.  Get coffee, breakfast, and sit and relax, talk, read magazines… basically what ever we want.  I love it, it is literally one of my favorite times of the week.  So we headed there.  This morning we were really hungry, so Stephen got a lemon bundt cake and I got some chocolate covered pretzels.  They were buy two, get three free!!  Kinda weird, but hey… I’ll take five.  So here’s me, happy with our buffet:

Besides the junk food buffet, though, I did eat a healthy whole wheat english muffing with peanut butter, along with drinking my second coffee of the day:

At Barnes and Nobles, we made a list.  Really high tech… we wrote it on a napkin.  Actually, we made three lists – a “To Do” list, a “Dreams” list, and a “Things we want to learn” list.  I am a big list person, so I already have lists like that for myself.  But we decided to write ones for us, as a couple.  I will post more details about it tomorrow, when I have it on hand, but the To Do list included things like him getting a motorcycle (and maybe me), me getting a new car, us moving in together, etc.  Also a ton of traveling, as we figured out that we basically want to visit every National Park, many cities, and pretty much every continent.  Better start buying plane tickets now, right?.  The Dreams list included things like a boat, jet skis, a house (a real one… not my beloved little townhouse) and a vacation property.  And the learning list included a shitload of things – Stephen getting his Masters, me learning swiss german, how to play the guitar, getting my MBA, getting my nutrition certification and personal training certification, my project management certification… yeah.  Maybe I should skip all the traveling and just start studying.

In the beginning while we were doing this, I got really scared.  Sometimes I feel like I have to stop and step back and look at this situation and this relationship rationally.  I love him and it’s very easy to get caught up in the fact that I think we get on really well and could really have a great future together.  But the fact remains that we have only been together for a few months and I have to rationally remember that and keep my feet on the ground.  That doesn’t change my belief that we are going to go a long, long way together – I just want to make sure it’s right and that we do everything the right way and not rush into anything.  But man, I do love this guy and I think that we could have an incredible life and future together.  It’s really exciting to talk and think about.

After Barnes and Nobles, we went to Trader Joes to do our weekly grocery shopping.  I try to cook for us every night, and then package the leftovers for Stephen to take for lunch at work the next day.  We bought a ton of food and headed back to my house.  I made us lunch, plums a boca burger with cheese, and 1/2 a pure protein bar for me:

Then we took a little nap.  I actually couldn’t sleep at all last night… confirming my theory that I often can’t sleep that well with Stephen, and I can’t sleep well without him anymore.  Great.  But then it was my second favorite time of the day – GYM time!  After a quick chocolate-covered frozen banana snack:

And weekend gym time is the best because that is when Stephen comes with me and I have a workout buddy sometimes.  Today I did 30 minutes on the stepmill and 10 minutes on the spinning bike.  Then we did our pushup game.  Basically, we take turns doing pushups.  I do one, Stephen does one.  I do two, Stephen does two.  I do three, Stephen does three.  Etc… up to ten.  And then back down to one again.  It’s a BITCH.  I started out initially doing them all as girl pushups, on my knees.  But I am slowly trying to work up the number that I do “real” pushups… right now I do from one to eight as real pushups, and then nine, ten, and back down to four as girl pushups, and then four down to one as real pushups.  It’s pretty funny, too – sometimes I can see out of the corners of my eyes big guys at the gym kind of watching me.  I think they are surprised that a girl can do so many pushups, ha!

So we had a good gym trip.  Having a gym buddy is really great, I love it.  I was really excited when Stephen joined my gym, because I thought we were going to start going together every day.  Ha, yeah right.  The last two times we have been together on the weekends before today, he has dropped me off at the gym and gone to Starbucks across the street to wait for me and enjoy a frapuccino!  Great workout buddy, right?  So I’m going to have to get on his case so that he becomes a gym rat like me.  Anyhow, after the gym we went back to my house and I made dinner.  Spaghetti and meatballs for Stephen, a big salad for me:

Followed by some chocolate chip meringue cookies we bought at Trader Joes this morning for dessert.  Man, I love those things.  I can easily, easily eat entire (multiple) tines of those in one sitting.  Last time we went to Trader Joes and got a container, I ate them all within an hour.  Stephen couldn’t believe it… he didn’t see the empty container by the garbage until the next morning and I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head.  “You ate the whole thing?!?!” he said in disbelief.  Ha.  My wonderful, eat-like-a-bird-and-weigh-less-than-one-too boyfriend.

Then we went to Stephens house, where we are now and I’m about to go to bed.  I had a chocolate covered pretzel and an Atkins Smores bar as my night snack:

Right now, we are sitting in bed watching this Conspiracy Theory video about the Lunar Landing in the 60s.  Basically, this documentary is about people who believe that the whole landing on the moon was a hoax – that the footage was faked.  They are picking apart all of the images, the evidence, etc. and trying to point out inconsistancies.  Stephen loves this shit – really gets off on trying to question anything and play the devil’s advocate.  But I just sit here and get mad, haha.  To me, it’s just craziness to think that NASA orchestrated a huge hoax to fool the world and convince them that we landed on the moon.  These guys are kooks – the conspiracy theorists that exist for every single event that takes place in history.  You know, like the people who think that the US government blew up the twin towers, etc.  I don’t know why these people make me so angry… I really hate it when people just try to stir up shit for the hell of it.  But Stephen says that these people are just asking questions, and that they are valid questions that should be answered and really get people thinking.  So I’m not sure why I get so mad and defensive.  Maybe it’s fear, I dunno.  But I’m so tired, I can’t even think straight.  It’s bed time.  Back to the grind first thing tomorrow morning.

I love going to the gym in the morning.  Well, let me rephrase that… I have a love-hate relationship with going to the gym in the morning.  Of course I hate dragging my sleepy butt out of bed and actually getting out and getting there.  I hate stepping on the machine and feeling like I’m going to die for the first 5 minutes.  I slowly start to hate it less and less as I go through my work out.  But by the time I’m done, I love it.  I’m raring to go for the rest of my day – I’m pumped with energy and starving for breakfast.  And I’m happy and good to go knowing that I can enjoy the rest of my day and not have to worry about when I will get to the gym and fit in my exercise and my shower with all the other stuff I have planned to do.  Especially on a holiday like today – I’m good to go now enjoying my day, Stephen’s return, and my fourth of july treats!

So today I did morning gym.  Up at 8am, was intending to hit the gym at 8:30 but slid it to 9 as I wanted to enjoy my coffee and decided I had the time.  Did 20 minutes on the elliptical with arms and 20 minutes on the stepper.  The other thing I like about morning gym is that it’s almost never crowded.  When I arrived, I had full choice of machines and not too many people were around.  By the time I left, it was packed.  So three cheers for getting in there, gitting er done, and getting out.  Woo hoo!

After the gym, I came home and cleaned up a little bit.  Took a shower, had my lunch of chicken salad:

Then I had to head off the airport to pick up Stephen.  Of course he couldn’t fly into San Jose airport… so I had to drive to San Francisco.  It took me an hour to get there because there was a pretty bad accident on the freeway so there was a lot of traffic, UGH.  On the way I ate a Chex bar that I had taken with me:

Thankfully, his flight arrived on time and it didn’t take too long to get his luggage.  I had kind of a tough time parking, though…  I drove into the parking area (after taking a ticket from the machine at the entrance) and drove through the lot on one level trying to find a space.  It was HUGE… and before I knew it, I was out the other side and exiting again!   And it was one way so I couldn’t turn around before I got to the exit gate and woman.  I looked at her and was like, “Um… I actually just entered and don’t want to exit…” and she just started laughing.  So I ended up having to exit (luckily she didn’t charge me), and then pull a U-turn and re-enter.  Second time around, I managed to find a spot

It’s nice to have Stephen back.  Right this very second, though, I am feeling a little bit crowded.  It’s amazing how fast I got used to being alone again.  For one week, I just did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and didn’t have to worry about what anybody else thought or what anybody else needed to do.  I was a little lonely sometimes, but I am independent and I liked having that freedom.  A bit ironic that on Independence day, I feel like that was somewhat taken away!  It’s not that Stephen tries to control what I do or anything, it’s just that now I have to sort of consider someone else in everything that I do.  Especially this week, since he doesn’t have a car so will have to rely on me and/or my car to get anywhere.  And the other thing is… it doesn’t really work the other way around.  I try really hard to consider Stephen’s feelings, wants and needs.  He’s not really good at considering other people’s feelings, wants and needs.  It’s not that he’s a bad person or doesn’t try…. I don’t think he ever really learned how or ever had to do it.  So while I always try to put him first, he rarely thinks about what I want to do or putting me first.  And that kind of drives me nuts.  For example, today when I picked him up from the airport I had planned to go to Half Moon Bay.  I brought blankets for a picnic, a camera, and did some research for things that we could do there.  However, when he came in, he didn’t want to go.  I was ok with that, because I understood that he was tired and had been traveling.  So we just came back to my house.  Then tonight, I wanted to see fireworks.  It is the fourth of july, after all.  But he didn’t really want to, he was too tired and didn’t want to go out.  I didn’t push it, because I was trying to put his feelings first and I didn’t want to push him to do something he didn’t want to do.  But now I am sitting here on my couch, listening to the fireworks going off and trying to see them out my window but I am unable to, and I am bitter.

I also get really annoyed with him when it comes to food… but that’s not a new thing.  I am just reminded of it now since he just came back.  Stephen barely eats anything.  He’s skinny as a stick, and is rarely hungry.  It drives me up the wall.  First of all, I eat a ton.  I accept that.  I outeat every girl I have ever met, and most guys.  But it feels really shitty (especially because I am kind of sensitive about my weight and about eating in general) to feel like I am a pig and constantly eating while my boyfriend eats nothing and is skinny as a stick.  I hate that feeling.  But then, I push him to eat… and he eats my food!  And although I really try hard to do the “what’s mine is yours” thing, the truth is that as of right now, we DON’T live together.  So what’s mine in my house and my kitchen is MINE.  And I had a DiGiorno flatbread melt that I just bought and was really looking forward to eating… but I gave it to him to eat when we got back from the airport.  And then for dinner (which I had to practically force him to eat…) he ate my Kashi pizza which I had bought and was saving and looking forward to eating.  Once again, I know that I am really sensitive about food issues so I’m trying to just let it go and chalk it up to my mental issues that I still need to work through.  But still I sit here, on the couch, bitter.  He comes back, no car, I pick his ass up in San Francisco, have to force him to eat while I stuff my face, and he eats two things I was saving.  Great.

Ok, enough bitterness bitching.  That’s what a blog is for, right?  Getting my feelings out there.  I love him and am glad he is home.  I missed him a lot.

For my dinner, I had two whole wheat pitas with melted mexican cheese, spread laughing cow cheese, and black olives.  Also with a bowl of strawberries:

After talking to both my mom and dad on the phone and wishing them a happy fourth of july, we just kind of lazed around the house and talked.  Then I went outside to take the garbage out and saw a little tiny frog.  There is a family of frogs that lives outside my house, and there are little teeny baby ones that I see hopping around in the morning and in the evening when it is not too hot.  I finally saw one while I had my camera, so I made Stephen hold it while I snapped some shots.  Isn’t he cute???

Stephen named him Johnny.

For a snack, I ate some cottage cheese with fruit preserves, an EAS bar, and another (entire… non-single-serving) bag of soy chips:

JB was really interested in the soy chips.

I’m really tired and about ready to go to bed.  I feel better now than I did when I started this post… so I guess that’s a good thing.  That’s one of the main points of blogging, right?  Working things out through writing?  It will be interesting to see how I sleep tonight – whether I sleep better now that Stephen’s back or worse.

Overall, I feel very relieved.  I am really happy that this entire ordeal is almost over.  Sure, Boris and Natascha are still going to come back from their trip and be around for a couple of days before they go back to Switzerland.  But the main part is over, the part I was mostly afraid of.  I don’t feel threatened anymore, and I don’t have to worry about Stephen leaving town or sharing a hotel room.

I feel sort of vindicated in a way, too.  Pretty much everything that I thought would happen, and I expressed to Stephen before hand, did happen.  I thought he might get sick of them, feel like they took advantage of him, and just frustrated in general.  And he does feel frustrated.  He was completely ready and happy to come home today, even without his car.  And that’s exactly what I thought would happen.  It is sad, in a way, because I wanted him to have a good time.  I would never wish for him to be unhappy, even if he was doing something that I hated and really didn’t want him to do.  But in another way, I feel like shouting “I TOLD YOU SO!” at the top of my lungs.

And finally, I feel wise.  I sort of feel like the wise third party sitting and watching this from afar.  It’s funny, because from the very beginning I felt like I knew what was going on.  It was sort of like an experiment.  You know how sometimes you meet someone of the opposite sex, but you are in this point in your life where for some reason you cannot pursue anything with them?  Like, you are in a relationship, or they are in a relationship, or both?  Or you live far away from eachother?  Or something along those lines?  But you both feel like there could be potential for something more than friendship to be there… it’s just not the right time or the right place or the right circumstances.  So you go through the next few weeks, months, years, always sort of keeping that person in the back of your mind and wondering – what if?  I have been in that situation with guys before, and  I think that is what this girl was to Stephen – a what-if question mark.  And like I explained before, they set up this trip before he even knew me.  So I think that they arranged it sort of in the hopes of finding out if this “what if” could turn into something more.  Before, she had been in a relationship and he had been unable or unwilling to date her for some reason I can’t remember.  But then they were both single, he had moved to the US, and she wanted to come to visit.  So I think that in the back of both of their minds, they were waiting to see what would and could happen on this trip.  It just so happened that he met me a few months before she actually came and it put a little wrinkle in their experiment.  But I think he still kind of had that experimental, what-if attitude and was waiting to see what it would be like and what he would feel when he got here.  I felt like that from the beginning, and was watching to see how he acted, how she acted, and the things that they said both to me and to eachother.  But it is clear, crystal clear, that the book is closed now.  The what-ifs are gone, and I think he has really proven to himself that there will never, ever be anything with this girl.  In fact, at this point he has stated clearly that he doesn’t even want to have a friendship with her anymore (which I do think is sad… but hey, I’m not going to shed any tears over it.)  So I feel much more comfortable and confident that he went through that and figured it out for himself, rather than me banning him from seeing her and her always being the “one that got away” or the “what-if” that he was wondering about years down the line.  That chapter is closed and I let him close it.  It was hard for me, but I think it was the best way it could have been done and now I feel happier and wiser for doing it.

And now, my friends, it is time for bed.  I wish everybody a happy fourth of July!