I relaxed this morning with my tea – I stepped away from my laptop and work, and just sat at my (new) kitchen table and looked around my beautiful house with S’s new furniture.  My house looked nice enough before, my furniture was ok.  It just wasn’t new and wasn’t quite as nice and stylish as S’s.  When I moved to California, I started renting a one-bedroom apartment and just bought used furniture off craigslist.  I wanted to save money – I didn’t know how long I would be in the apartment, I hadn’t started work yet, and I wasn’t in a permanent place in my life where I felt like I should spend a lot of money on nice, new furniture that would last me a long time.  So I bought used stuff.  It was nice enough, and certainly looked nice in my house, but it was nothing incredible.

But now my house really looks good.  I guess… our house really looks good.  I have to get used to saying that.  A sharp black leather couch, a new coffee table, a new glass kitchen table with leather chairs.  Spiffy.  So I just had my cup of tea at my new kitchen table and enjoyed it.

More pictures to follow… as soon as I actually clean up.  Although I have nice new furniture, I also have basically all of S’s stuff lying around the house while we try to figure out what to do with it all.  So my nice new furniture is overwhelmed with approximately 3 feet of clutter

For breakfast I had an eggbeater omelette with cut up turkey, laughing cow cheese and broccoli.

With my coffee.

My midmorning snack was my last monster peach   I have to make a quick run to the store tomorrow, so I’m hoping that I can get some more!  I love those… the peaches that ate New York.  Muahahahahahaha………

I had a great day at work today.  I think I am going to be managing a new project in a new area, which is totally exciting for me.  Since I have only been a project manager for three years, I really want to gain new and different experiences and learn as much as possible.

Lunch was a delicious salad:

This masterpiece was:

• romaine lettuce
• egg whites
• roast beef
• cheddar cheese
• avocado - the special ingredient!!!
  
• olive oil/balsamic vinegar

So I was a happy Raychee post-lunch.

First afternoon snack was my Kashi/Fiber One:

And  bowl #1 of cantaloupe.  Oh… why am I the cantaloupe queen?  Because I ate an entire cantaloupe between the hours of 3-8pm today.  That’s pretty impressive if you ask me.

I also had a really great gym trip today.  I did 20 minutes on the stepmill (level 13, fat burning program) and 20 minutes on the elliptical (level 12, hills).  I was soaking with sweat by the time I was done… I looked like I had done a swimming workout

When I got home, I had two more bowls of cantaloupe…. finishing that baby off.

Nom, nom, nom.

I had a meeting at 6, and then had yet another stimulating discussion (about motorbikes) with S.

Dinner was another fantastic salad, because I was craving more of my avocado:

Basically the same ingredients as lunch, only with added steamed broccoli and with a cut up lean turkey burger instead of roast beef.  I heart avocado!

Dessert was my masterpiece from last night again:

• cottage cheese cheesecake pudding(frozen)
• chocolate pudding cup
• graham cracker crust crumbs

And my before-bed snack, some caramel swirl ice cream:

And unfortunately, although I am already very full, I just ate two fudgsicles as well.

I am pretty frustrated right now.  As I mentioned a few days ago, I am working on my intuitive eating and not tracking everything on Fitday.  But so far, I am just having a really tough time.  I am so used to eating at specific times of the day, I find myself just following my old habits and watching the clock to when it’s time to eat.  And by not tracking my calories, I am giving myself free reign in the evenings.  Every day this week I have eaten not just one, but two desserts (at least… sometimes three…) even though I am in no way, shape or form hungry.  And in fact usually am already uncomfortably full.

I am having difficulty reading and listening to my body’s hunger signals.  And I am having even more trouble giving up my routine and my control… it’s like I fear what will happen if I don’t eat a specific thing at a specific time.  The best example of this is my mid-afternoon cereal… I eat it every day between 2:30 and 3:00pm.  Whether I’m hungry or full, busy or bored.  If I don’t, I feel nervous.  It is very weird, and I’m not sure how to overcome this.

The real problem is twofold:

1. I have ignored my hunger signals for so long (first by not eating when I was hungry, and then by eating by the clock whether I was hungry or not) that I am no longer able to read my body and my hunger signals.
2. I use food to fill me up – filling up my stomach and my mind with food and eating rather than dealing with the real issues in my life that need attention.  This is the far greater problem.

I don’t have the answers.  All I can do is work this one day at a time and keep trying.  I welcome any and all suggestions, and of course, support.  But thanks just for reading

As I write this, S is working on fixing the dryer.  The parts arrived today.  Keep your fingers crossed… I really need to do laundry!  Soon my neighbors are going to come over and complain that they can smell me from their house

G’night Ya’ll.